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Parents often want help for kids with behavior problems when they are confronted with defiance and aggression. This is often no joke and can sometimes turn nasty and even physical. Defiance actually affects a large number of kids and some estimates have calculated that the number of kids and teenagers with this problem or some problem related to ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) at 15%. That is a very large percentage. The first strategy to adopt is to keep away from as many arguments or confrontations as you can. Defiant kids really thrive on arguing and they seem more interested in the wrangling and snapping aspects than the actual outcome. When parents get dragged into the arguments, then they are really feeding their kids' habit and the kids also feel that they are in control. The best way to avoid getting into too many of the arguments is to use some of the following tactics. First tactic is to avoid the use of the word 'no'. There are lots of alternatives and we should bear in mind that kids who are defiant or who have ODD are really control freaks. Once they cannot get their way, they see that they are losing control. Many parents who want help for kids with behavior problems such as defiance are unaware that this is the best tactic of all Another tactic is to make sure that arguments are cut by at least 50%.If you do not have set routines in place or a pretty tight schedule, then this leaves plenty of room for argument and defiant kids thrive in this atmosphere. Use post its and tell them from now on, these are the guidelines to follow. This could be anything from homework, curfew, mealtimes and so on. The fact that they are written and posted in a prominent place also helps. Now instead of saying 'no' frequently, we can refer to the schedules where it says that homework is done at a certain time. In this way, we are referring to something written and established. We are avoiding the categorical no and we are not getting into another pointless argument. Have you noticed that TV parenting programs like Supernanny are now veering towards more extreme types of programs where producers are seeking out 'The World's Strictest Parents' and inviting out of control and defiant kids to live with them for a two week period so that they are whipped into shape. Notice how conflict is encouraged and that the role of good parents is far too boring to attract audiences. This is in a way a reflection of the microcosm in a family where conflict gets all the attention. Parents who really want to get help for kids with behavior problems should be aiming to help their kids to manage their behavior a bit better. It is going to take a long time but that is much better than the full frontal approach.
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